Why We Keep on Getting Hurt

There are no perfect list or reasons to justify why we always end up hurting ourselves. We can't always blame other people for our misery, sometimes the problem is innate. Here are three basic reasons why we do what we do:

1.) We expect. 

Expectation is the number one killer of dreams and aspirations, it messes up with our view of our own reality. We expect things to go this way, or to be that way. That when we end up getting a far cry from what we painted it to be, we get frustrated and hurt. Sometimes this is an unconscious act, when things are going smooth and fine, we automatically expect it to become better and better. But this is no fairy tale honey, it isn't rainbows and butterflies all year round.  It's okay to expect, just don't forget what the world really is like.

2.) We care. Too Much.

When we become attached to someone, be it a friend or a loved one. Our natural instinct is to care and protect them, sometimes too much that we usually end up overlooking ourselves. Sometimes we care too much because we think that they would care as much for our well-being too. But sometimes, it's just a one-sided love affair. And when this becomes a habit, they become a parasite and you will be the source. You give away all your love and time for these people who are so at ease and convinced that you'll always be there whatever happens, that they don't feel the need to reciprocate anything. That sucks right. Might as well practice the IDGAF mindset sometimes.

3.) We always forget one of the golden rules: The only constant thing is change.

Contrary to the belief that time hardens everything., it actually changes everything.  Even years of friendship changes gradually, it's just up to us to direct where and how it's gonna go. We don't really notice, but when we become comfortable with the people around us, we assume that nothing's gonna change, and when it does, we drastically fight it. We struggle to hold on to something that's inevitable in the first place.  We always forget that change is imminent and there's nothing we can do, not even our tears and long speeches, to stop it. We just have to accept it and move on. As what they always say, what goes around comes around.

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MOVING ON AND GETTING USED TO IT.

Do you really believe in moving on?  Maybe or maybe not and there’s no wrong answer. But for me, I think getting used to- is more like it. Or maybe moving on comes right after you get used to all the haze.  You can put it anyway you want but the one thing’s for sure, there’s no paved road for this. It’s going to be rough.       

                   

                There’s a difference between saying goodbye and letting go. You can basically say goodbye and not feel a pang of pain simply because a single word doesn’t guarantee a definite closure. You don’t close yourself to the certainty of not meeting again. You’re just parting ways for some time and you can always stay in touch because you’ll allow yourself to. But letting go, it’s a different world we’re talking about. Letting go is something definite, something firm and painful. It is a decision not made overnight, sometimes it takes days, weeks, months or for some unfortunately, years. It’s laying down the line, finally closing the door, and deciding to walk away, for good.

                These two words kind of get mixed up sometimes though. You can say goodbye and think of it as letting go but that doesn’t always work, you may wake up one night when the pain finally and suddenly comes crashing down out of nowhere from the distant past. That’s why saying goodbye isn’t easy, unless you really mean it. If the night before the moment of truth comes and you’re still having second thoughts, then DON’T do it. I repeat. DON’T DO IT.  This could be the worst decision of your life. This could be the biggest regret you’ll ever have.  Because once you said it, it’s like a continuous spell that will magically affect all your days ahead. Are you really prepared for it? Or is it just your pride getting in the way? Once you lay down the line, it will automatically affect your significant other. They will get hurt of course, and getting hurt doesn’t always guarantee an open heart for second chances. What if all this was just a spill of the moment anger and you DON’T really mean it, can you take all the words back? Yes you can apologize but it won’t be the same, a shattered glass will never be the same even if you glue it back a hundred times.

                Once this happens and the two of you resulted to splitting up, you force yourself to move on the fastest way possible. You jump into all the diversions available; Drinking, smoking, sex and drugs, whatever you fancy. You get to the next train and move out quicker than the sunset that afternoon.  It will all be a haze at first, and yes I won’t contradict that this helps, BUT only for awhile.  You can move out or drink all you want, get high as the Everest, and turn down like your neighborhood whore but still, you can’t escape. You just can’t.  He or she will be practically everywhere, like a ghost haunting you even in your dreams.

                So that’s why it’s very important to be sure about your decision. Then if you really want to end things, then you have to deal with it afterwards, not run away from it. You can cry, nobody said you can’t. You have to go through the stages. You have to face it the right way, come home to your family or call your closest friend and whine your heart out. Cry until you actually fall to sleep, until you have tears to spare. Empty your body fluids if that’s the way to go. Because eventually you will get tired, the tears will dry up, and finally, you will get USED to it.  And once you get used to it, I think that’s the only time the words moved on are appropriate.

Best of luck.