The F happened.

The last thing I knew was I was about to finish my internship and have a great life ahead. Which now was just one fcked up cliche. Yeahh sad as it is, but it does happen folks. Expectations. That's the key factor in this problem. People always expect color infused rainbows in every storms' ending. But in real talk, not all are blessed to see a rainbow in their life, some just a glimpse, and some of us, unfortunately are just given only grey clouds.

Rainbow after the rain? Not always.

Past forward 8 months, I'm sitting here writing this blog, which to me seems like a lonely desperate move. Well I have a very decent and great boyfriend, a good set of friends, a supportive family, beers and all the cigarettes I can smoke to match. The only catch is, I still don't have a job. STILL. At first it's fine, I don't mind it at all, I'm actually enjoying it to be honest. No painfully irritating  morning alarms, no traffic, no rush hour, no meetings, no deadlines, no psychopathic boss. In short, life was a pure sugar- coated piece of heaven.

But as time went on, my self - esteem is knocking at the door. People around me are all moving on and I find myself stuck in a place where I wanted to be at the first place. My friends are slowly disappearing in sight. Work became a popular word. And life for me was slowly beginning to become uncomfortably quiet. I was trying and still trying now with all my guts spilling in every single job interview I have ever had. I know myself and I know that I'm not messing up, but there's still one question that's still hanging in my mind up to now, why the f*ck am I still lonely and unemployed like this?

Maybe there's something wrong with me. Or with the world I'm living in. Maybe there's nothing wrong. Maybe it's just that life is too unfair for some. Maybe she likes to play. Maybe she plays hard. That maybe, is something that I will have to figure out for myself. Ciao.