Lost at Sea

At 25, is it really okay to feel lost? Looking back at my younger days, I have high hopes and dreams, plans that are so dreamy I could almost choose not to wake up.
Then boom, you wake up in your alcohol-drenched clothes, feeling like shit, looking like shit and living like shit in your shimmering 25 year old days that are slowly passing by, going down the drain.

Some people say, at 25 you should've at least reached somewhere. Bought something prolific, made your name quite memorable to a few. But I think now that I have hit that number, that was the  most stereotypical shit I have ever heard. That's one of the main reason why many people hit the ground so hard and stare depression right in its face. Expectations so high you didn't even make for yourself. Standards set by the society for us to comply with and base our way of living with.

At 23, I built my own travel agency, because of my high dreams and unrealistic expectations of myself. Well let's not overlook the fact that I really wanted something to do with traveling, being it as how I I've always wanted to live my life since my younger days. Not to mention I hate the routin-ary lifestyle, if that's even a word. 9-5 doesn't really apply to me at all, especially living in a 2x2 cubicle eight hours a day. I tried working at an office for half a year and it was one of the darkest era of my life.

I tried to go into marketing and events. Tried places where I feel I can finally fit with the bustling lifestyle I was looking for. But after like fifty something companies had turned me down, I finally felt like I had to give up the golden corporate dream. Not to mention I felt like shit afterwards.

Where is this young, bright and inspired woman I knew before. The girl that is going to go places. The girl who will rule the world. I'm looking everywhere only to find her in the corner of a cramped bar drinking her dreams away.

Fast forward a year and a half,  life was still a blur. Even blurrier than before. Pitch black at times. The business ain't doin' that good, we lost our home, on the verge of losing our family business, mom got sick, got no money for medication, rented a fairly good place but with shitty high rates, and everything else is falling apart as well.

Some say keep swimming, hold on to friends, have fun out there. That's exactly what I did. I had an alter life, so colorful, rainbows and butterflies and all that bull. But the more alive my alter life becomes, the more dead I become in my real life. I tried to cope with life by traveling and going out, drinking my life away. I tried to cope with my friends and the shit they wanna do. I tried to fit in. But at the end of the day, I kept on dying.

I felt like it's always them than me. Opportunities are always given to other people, and I'm always just the spectator to their success. It's always me, building something for myself and some shit always comes to wreck it down and put me back to my spectator's seat. Life feels like a never ending whirlwind of fucked-up events. When I started my business, I felt like that was the beginning of a better life. I'm starting anew. And I have embraced the changes. I'm brimming with positivity. Not knowing, that only after a year, life will be knocking at my door with all the tools needed to destroy my fragile life once again.

I wanted to laugh at how my 15 and 20 year-old self felt like it was the end of the world, not knowing that the world will continue to end many times in the future. Sometimes ending daily. It's like a never ending dream, where you always wake up in another dream. Not knowing if you're really awake or still lost in the abyss.

So I think, that this is how it's gonna be? You keep swimming until your mind and body can't go on anymore. You swim and you swim and when you find a piece of haven,you try to rest and call it home. You let life take over until it brings you back to sea.

12 Symptoms that your Barkada is becoming the new Tito/Tita's of Manila

We've all dreamt of growing up fast when we were still those energetic kids that we once were, then one day, you open your eyes and Boom! Your boss is calling, you're late, you haven't got any breakfast and there's no more time to brush your nicotine-stained teeth.

You hit up your friends, no replies. Because they're probably just as frustrated as you are at the moment. Here are the few funny/sad symptoms that your once coolest, in the now, always-up-for-whatever barkada is becoming the new Tito/Tita's of Manila.


1.) Hangouts become more less and less often.
Gone were the days when you'll automatically meet up outside the campus, every.single.day. You usually don't have plans for the afternoon, it just happens. Same schedule, same class, same village. Your social life is a breeze.

But now that you've all graduated and working, hangouts are becoming so rare it felt like Christmas. It's something to wish upon a star for. "Busy", "Priorities", "OT ako e", "bangag sa antok" are some of the usual replies you'd get every time you set a "tambay".

                    

2.) Politics, Money and Business are your usual Hangout Topics.

Since when have you all become politicians and critics, you don't know. But one thing's for sure, these are some of the very favorite topics these days. When someone starts this shit, everyone's opinions are suddenly soaring high in the air.

3.) You prefer to drink at home.

Before, going to the bar is a must every weekend. An expensive ritual you thought you won't be able to shrug off for the rest of your life. But now, the whole gang readily agrees when you say you're just gonna chill at the house, do some barbecues and stuff. #titalifestyle

4.) When you go out, you really mean out.

Before, when you hit up the mall or go to Starbucks, that is already considered going out. But now, when you and your friends talk about going out and about, this means some 500++ km out and about, or some 1 boat, 1 bus, 1 tricycle and some 30 minutes marathon before reaching your destination.

Caramoan Hits

Minalungao cool down

5.) Your circle has become noticeably smaller.

Back then, your social life was a breeze right? But as time goes by, you get fed up by all the dramas of so many people that really does not concern you or phase you at all. Amidst all the late night tearful discussions and careful decision makings, you have gladly toned down your number to a handful of "real, shit-free" friends. #congrats

(Inflatable) Pool party Hahahaha

6.) You get irritated by the younger crowds.

Especially at the parties! Like wtf are these "feeling cool kids" doing here? You get really pissed at those super rowdy younger group of people at the rave parties that doesn't really seem to know what rave is. "Kuya, rave po ito hindi summerslam."

Distansya amigo

7.) You start comparing your generation to the current ones.

"Tayo nga nakaka-sampung empi dati di naman tayo ganyan ka sabog." One of the most common things you'd hear from your current buddies. You start comparing yourselves to the younger kids today and rightfully believe that you guys were way better before during your glory days. Well that's what all older people think right. :D #beentheredonethat

Beachforce 2016

8.) You know how to have serious fun.

No matter what the set-up, no matter how boring the event or the place, you just know how to adjust and have the time of your life. Thanks to all the hundreds of parties and events you guys went to before.

Pool party daw

Rapture 2016

9.) You are more family-oriented now.

You care about the health of your parents and your friends' folks more than before. You talk about their health issues and worry together about the fact that they're also growing old too. "Napa-check up mo na ba si tita?"

10.) Your friends are talking about Marriage.

Yes. Your in your quarter-life so you better put a ring on it, that's what they say. "Mawawala ka na sa kalendaryo, nako". While some of your friends have actually had a child before getting married, some of your friends are just getting married simply because they want to. One of your most common "chismisan" topic nowadays. "Uy si ______, ikakasal na daw a, saten kaya sino mauuna?" #pressure

Original image here (c)

11.) They are flying everywhere.

You become lesser and lesser during hangouts because, "Si _____ nasa Canada na a." or "Tanggap nako sa London, baka sa August alis ko na." Career gaming is strong, ambitions and dreams at this point in your life are really the game changer. Most of your friends are flying abroad to seek for better lives and love. LOL


12.) They are getting pregnant.

The number one inevitable sign that you are becoming a Tita, of course! "Uy sa binyag, di ka pwede mawala ninang." Some of your friends are already headed at this path, and most of them have already crossed the bridge way before you even thought about it yourself. That's why planning a trip is a lot harder now that you have to consider those with their chubby cute mini-me's already. You just can't always plan for a night out on a Friday night, sometimes you end up on some tea cafe just talking about the future, and getting home before 12am because sleep, right?


We can't stop time or the pages from turning. But we can still enjoy the ride. It's time for a new adventure. Welcome to the "titalife". :)