17 going on 30. Which one is better?
Quiet sunsets, books sprawled all over the bed, afternoon teledramas ringing on the background, and the continuous beeping of your cellphone from your poorly named group chat. That's how most of my summer was spent over a decade ago. Everything was calm, no fuss, and we're all just waiting on what the world has in store for us.
Occasional beer drinking spree, out of town travels, random catch-up with friends, continuous flow of bills left and right, own cars and houses, regular attendance on baptisms and 1st birthdays, work bullshits, occasional trips to the doctor for pain checks here and there-- that's how I spend most of my days now.
So the real question is: which one is better?
You can't really compare because those are two different eras, different goals, different perspective, but you can't deny the fact that there are certain good and bad times for both.
Thirteen sunny years ago, all I had to think about were my dreams after finishing off college, how badly I wanted to land my first job and progress to the Andy version of myself in The Devil wears Prada. I just couldn't wait to be the girl-boss that I aspire to be, and to be able to treat my friends and families using my own hard-earned cash. I was full of hope and angst and energy that things will eventually go according to plan and that I will crush it. That was where my problems all began, too much hope and optimism. Lol.
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| 18-year-old me feeling all grown up and bougie |
Post graduation, I was a hot drunken mess. I couldn't for the life of me land a single frickin' job. I had good academic records, and I was pretty back then (too much hope and optimism). Furthermore, I nailed every interview, or so I felt. But I never got the call. I drank myself til' I landed a mediocre job that I hated every minute of. I think that's the second phase of my life spiraling downwards to nothingness.
I became the typical office lady, all lipstick and dead inside.
It only took me six months to realize I wasn't fit to sit my life away in a cube 10 hours a day. So I quit and started my own travel agency business at 24. I was smitten over by the thought that I could earn and not put up with a shitty boss, plus I could travel. I was always amazed by traveling, maybe because that is the only way I can escape my average existence here in the city.
The business had a good run for three years before my partner and I decided to start up a new business, a bar. That's the only other thing we knew to enjoy, drinking. The other one is traveling.
Four years, lots of tears and a pandemic later, that too also closed down, and I'm now working remote. Things are a lot quieter now. Most of my friends have already succumbed to parenthood. I now look forward to weekends, hoping to see a single soul other than my husband. I developed a new love for surfing and beach trips with a few close people now and then has become my salvation. I accepted growth, and I'm still taking my sweet time before eventually caving in to having kids.
I'm not going to lie, I sometimes miss those sunny days thirteen years ago, where a lot of people surrounded me, and everything was a nice blur filled with alcohol for days and days. I loved the simplicity of it all. But I also have grown to love the freedom of having money that my 30-year-old self is providing me. I can go wherever I want and buy the things that my 17-year-old self will cry in bed for. So all in all, nothing is better. It's a colorful combination of the good and bad, some things you wish you had done better and some things you wish you have never done. But everything that happened all comes down to who you are now. It's a part of who I am. It just adds to how you define yourself in the present. I loved the dumb risk-taker I was before, and I also love the goal-oriented angry person that I am now, haha.
What about you?
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| 30-year-old me enjoying the sunshine (and beer) |
